April Fool’s Day. Either you hate it with your entire soul, or you’re not a coward. It’s a day where you need to keep your guard up, but only for half of the day, because the rules are dumb, but that’s another story.
Anyone who works in media, however, has a special kind of relationship with April Fool’s, thanks to all the ‘prank’ pitches hitting our inboxes, tangled in with very legitimate announcements. Which ones are legit and which ones are jokes? Who knows! But it’s our jobs to weed out the fake ones so we don’t report on them like gullible fools. Egg? On our faces? Not on my watch.
Because we received so many wild pitches and false products in our inboxes, we’ve decided to rank them all from “actually you know what, this is a good idea” to “I swear to God, John, delete my email address immediately”.
1. Go Down South With Your Mouth
Now, this ad for South Australia dropped on March 31 and hasn’t been confirmed as an April Fool’s joke or not (like most things around this time), but I fkn love it regardless.
“It’s time to go down south with your mouth,” is a brilliant piece of horny advertising for SA, and I for one think they should keep it. I mean, C U in the NT is fine, so why not this as well?
Definitely one of the funniest April Fool’s day pitches.
2. Deliveroo For Pets
With the press of a button, my pet can get me Deliveroo? Ummm this isn’t a bad idea in the slightest. Nevermind the fact that I do not have a pet, and already get enough food delivered to my door already.
Definitely not a bad idea in the slightest, because trust me, it gets worse than this. Much, much worse.
3. Sex Before Soccer
Honestly, I am not mad at this idea at all. Sure it’s just a joke, but how iconic would it be to tune into Sex Before Soccer every night?
The documentary ideas however are completely unhinged, but I kinda wanna watch the one about falling in love with an alien. SBS, make it actually happen.
4. Anti-Gravity Trampoline
I mean this is just completely fun. The fact that this is fake is actually just a hate crime in my humble opinion.
5. ME Bucksuit
A tracksuit from a bank? With anti-laundering properties? And built-in sleeves to house your wallets and credit cards? Honestly not a bad idea at all.
Would I buy one if it existed? Probably not, but I appreciate the ME-rino wool pun. Big points for that.
6. Krispy Kreme Glaze Spread
Okay, okay I know what you’re thinking. What the fuck would I want to cover in Krispy Kreme glaze?
The answer is simple my friends, absolutely everything. Although I absolutely love this idea, it also disturbs me at the same time. The colour, the fact that it lives in a jar, there’s is so much to love and so much to hate here.
Points for creativity though.
Who the FUCK thought of this.
My only response to this entire April Fool’s Day pitch is this video right here. I am in disbelief.
8. Dare Vegemite
In the words of my Nonna, who would very much collapse at the sight of this: “Ave, o Maria, piena di grazia, il Signore č con te…”.
Dare, Vegemite, never speak to me again. Lose my number. We’re done.
(I still love you both, don’t actually leave me).
9. Meat Popsicle
Introducing the Chopsicle, or as scholars refer to it, Dante‘s fifth circle of hell, just after Greed.
However, much like Dante’s epic poem Inferno, this right here is a divine comedy. Just… don’t make it a reality. Please, I beg of you.
10. Discharge Beer
Ever wanted to turn your vaginal discharge into a beer? No? Well, that’s what women’s health platform Youly pitched to us, and I truly wish they hadn’t.
If you need me I’m going to abstain from beer for a little bit.
PR peoples, if you’re reading this, well played. Now delete my email address immediately. Thank you very much <3.