Post Malone Has Unleashed His Own Rosé Which We’re Sure Won’t Taste Like Piss & Regret

2020 is clearly the year where everyone is trying out new things, trialling new hobbies, and testing the waters with new projects. And it’s not just us plebs trying to make another loaf of sourdough in iso, Post Malone is on a new venture – his very own rosé which I’m sure doesn’t taste like piss and regret.

Named ‘Maison No. 9’, Posty has not launched a winery, or a label, or anything. Just rosé. Just a single line of pretty pink wine from the French Riviera that he says is solely for the times when you want to feel a “little fancy”. Bless him for not realising it’s 100% my beverage of choice when I want to day drink without getting sleepy on the beers.

Full credit to the lad, the Maison No. 9 bottles look slick. They’re tall and slim, and feature a rose entwined around a sword that I frankly wouldn’t be surprised if Post Malone has tattooed on his body somewhere. Look at it.

May I reiterate, this is the only tagline he has given his new wine release.

post malone rosé
Bless you, Posty.

Not even his rosé. Just rosé in general. For the little bit fancy times. Sorry, that’s just absolutely sent me.

The name itself interestingly comes from Post Malone’s affinity to tarot cards and is a nod to his favourite in the deck: the Nine of Swords. The card depicts a person in bed, head in their hands, with nine swords hanging on the wall – or some version of that. It’s part of the minor arcana that details anxiety and stress but is more on the side of anxiety making issues and problems seem much larger than they are. It might seem like doom and gloom, but it’s about recognising that and overcoming that fear and anguish.

Who knew Posty was a low-key spiritual being? Not me. Apart from that one time he got heaps cursed by a trapped spirit in a dybbuk box a couple of years ago.

He’s just launched the pink sipper (just in time for the US summer, no less) so we’re not sure on how much it’ll set you back just yet. But considering how the Aussie dollar is at the moment, I’m gonna say it might be a bit of a burner on your wallet.

Do I still want a bottle anyway? Absolutely. I demand to know what Post Malone’s rosé tastes like beyond his notes that are simply “Crisp. Refreshing. Very Smooth.”

Oh and if vino isn’t your thing, Post Malone has got another project for you to consider – his own “clean kits” including face masks, soap sheets, vitamin lollies, hand wipes, and disposable gloves so we can “Shaboink later”. Sure, okay.