If you’ve got a (responsibly-attended) party coming up soon or maybe a thirsty football team to feed, you’ll be very stoked to know that those absurdly-long slabs of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer will be landing in bottle shops around Australia very bloody soon. Hope you’ve been keeping piss fit in iso, mates. You’re about to be put through your paces.

After they hit shops in the US last November, which I definitely looked at and thought “there’s no way we’d get those over here, that’s just insane”, I’m now eating my words because it’s happening. Those long-ass bad boys are headed to Aussie plonk shops from June 22, and if you move quickly enough you could gently navigate one home over your shoulder. I’m sure nothing will go wrong there.

Jesus H Christ on a bike would you take a look at this god damned thing?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Claire Borer (@bitofclairety) on

Like, you could take this to a party and cover yourself and everyone there, I reckon. Or make the longest wizard’s staff ever. Or maybe just set yourself up for a whole long weekend camping trip. Am I considering to invest in one of these Pabst Blue Ribbon monstrosities for when BYO festivals kick back up? Absolutely I am.

The two-metre-long case of tinnies might set you back a tidy $250, but hey do the math here. It’s pretty much like $2 a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, which is hot damn good bang for your buck. Maybe hit up the group chat to go splits or tell ’em if you buy the slab for this weekend, you’re immune from rounds at the pub when you go next.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Wolframite (@lt.raine) on

These immensely-large near-tonne-of-tinnies slabs will be on sale from select bottle shops from Monday, June 22, and online through the CraftCartel website.

Rip in, mates. This is huge.

Image: Supplied