Picture this: the night is cold and the wind is harsh. You are sleeping alone with nobody to cuddle. Maybe it’s because you’re single, or maybe it’s because your hot bf is stuck behind the ACT border. You reach out to the space next to you, but there’s nothing. Now picture an answer to your loneliness, the Mountain Dew body pillow.
Yes, MTN DEW is making an official body pillow as merch. I repeat, an official body pillow. This isn’t some kind of fake my friend, this is some quality stuff, and the best part is it’s in the shape of a bottle for all your bottle-hugging needs.
I must say, it’s a more welcome sight than anime body pillows, but it’s still confusing AF. I mean hey, if there’s a market for people hugging life-sized prints of their favourite pixelated maid, then why not a Mountain Dew, right?
Come on folks, what’s stopping you from hugging a Mountain Dew already?
“The DEW Body Pillow is a larger-than-life replica of a MTN DEW bottle, perfect for those cold, winter nights when all you need is the comfort of your MTN DEW to give you those warm, fuzzy feelings,” reads the official press release.
It turns out, the perfect cure for loneliness is indeed gripping onto a green bottle printed onto a long body-sized pillow. But, for me, I feel like waking up next to a giant Mountain Dew bottle would make me feel even lonelier than I already was.
The body pillows are slated for a March release on the Mountain Dew merch store, so you can look for them there and snap them up. Would make for a good Christmas present, I know that much. One Christmas I received a body pillow with the animated Lorax on it as a joke from my brother. But that, my friends, was unofficial and custom-made, and this, on the other hand, is the real deal.
Anyway if you need me I’m going to stick to the occasional cuddle of legendary IKEA bear Djungelskog, king of the softest hugs in the world. Love that guy.
