Our Resident Tinned Soup Connoisseur Ranked Them All From *Chef’s Kiss* To Boiled Bin Juice

To quote a great playwright whose works have meant a great deal to me over the years: “It’s cold as balls out.” And how do we remedy the cold? By rugging up with a noice cuppa. But before it’s cuppa time and we’re fiending for a feeding, we need something heartier to get us through and warm our souls, right? And what better option to go with than microwavable soup?

I am PEDESTRIAN’s self-proclaimed tinned soup connoisseur. I’m obsessed. My boyfriend and I literally have a dedicated recycling bin for the soup tins, I shit you not.

There are so many glorious soup options to choose from so it can be difficult to determine which ones are *chef’s kiss* and which ones are just boiled bin juice.

Chunky soup

The absolute bottom of the barrel here is anything with the word ‘chunk’ or ‘chunky’ in it. I’m sorry. Can’t. Can’t do it.

The Campbell’s chunko is pictured above, but literally every brand has a chunky rendition and they’re all equally foul and unacceptable.

One time I shovelled a bunch of soup tins into my shopping basket without looking (I’m that obsessed with soup), then I chucked a beef flavour in the microwave and as I went to throw out the tin, I realised it was one of the chunky soups and that changed everything.

I stopped the clock, took the soup out and tipped it in the garbage where it belongs. I then had to take the garbage out immediately and do a deep-clean of my microwave because I couldn’t fucking handle the stench.

I honestly don’t know if it’s ‘cos the flavour was shit or if it’s a psychosomatic thing because I was associating my delicious meal with the word ‘chunk.’

La Zuppa

This one boasts only 95 calories per serve and where you’re winning with less calories, you’re losing out on the flavour, I’m sorry to say.

Flavour rec: Creamy chicken and vegetable.

Amy’s Kitchen

If you’re after something ~exotic~, Amy’s Kitchen has a delish variety of organic soups to roll with.

Flavour rec: Organic lentil vegetable.

Continental soups

In terms of range of flavours, Continental wins! Lots and lots and lots of options, over there, from cheesy broccoli and potato to garden cauliflower and four cheese. Swaaaaaanky!

If you plate that bad boy up before your guests arrive, you could tell ’em you made it yourself and they’ll think you’re the next Matt Preston. Legit.

Flavour rec: Creamy roast chicken and spring onion with roasted garlic croutons (ooh, tickets!).

Aldi / The Soup Co

Once again, good old Aldi comes through with the goods.

Ya know how they’re always winning the booze award? Well I bet if there were a soup award, they’d be up there as well. Hey, there should be a soup awards! Let’s manifest it, my fellow soup lovers. I’d happily join that panel of judges.

Flavour rec: Beef pho.

Heinz soups

Another one with a fuck ton of options in terms of flavour and storage – there are both pouches and tins to choose from.

Flavour rec: 7 veg (pouch).

Campbell’s soups

They call ’em Country Ladle and for good reason. You can just picture an old gal from Dubbo named Barb ladling the soupy goodness into each tin for us to enjoy.

Thanks Barb, thanks a bill.

Flavour rec: Chicken noodle.

Darikay chicken noodle soup

These are probs the most exxy ones on the list, valued at around $6.50 each, BUT you’re paying for the utmost in quality.

They’re sold in microwavable lil tubs and because they’re see-through, you literally see what you’re getting there and we love full transparency.

Delicious, hearty, and very filling. LOVE!

Flavour rec: Chicken noodle soup.

Coles homebrand soups

God tier. GOD. TIER.

The fact that they come in a pouch rather than a tin is more appealing to me, I dunno why. Maybe because it feels like dog food-esque? I dunno.

They did a mad revamp of their soup range just before COVID kicked off and what an absolute godsend it was during lockdown.

Plus it’s generally the cheaper option, which is always noice, innit?

Flavour rec: Vegetable and beef.

Matty Galea is the Senior Entertainment Editor at Pedestrian who also dabbles in woo-woo stuff like astrology and crystals and has been penning horoscopes since the start of his career. He also Tweets about pop culture and astrology and posts spicy content on Instagram.