Buckle up friends, for what I am about to show you will damage your psyche irreparably and force you to rethink everything you’ve ever known. Please bare witness to this food blogger eating a meat pie like a feral monster that has a heap of Aussies in a twist.
Beloved food blogger Mark Wiens (who has amassed a cult following across the years) decided to visit Australia for the first time and try out our local food.
In the video, he galivants about Victoria with MasterChef‘s Nick Bennett (Executive Chef of Her Bar) and Tess Stewart (Chef at Her Bar).
The gang take him to South Melbourne Market, where they offer him his first meat pie EVER and tell him to “take a big bite” and “burn” his mouth.
Not the worst advice in the world, but nothing could have prepared me for the monstrous way in which Wiens eats this meat pie.
Do they uhhhh… not have pies in America? Or literally anywhere else in the world? This behaviour is unacceptable. Why is he GRIPPING the pie like that?
The video gained traction on the r/Melbourne subreddit, where Wiens was subsequently dragged to hell and back. That’ll teach you to get between an Aussie and their meat pie etiquette!
“Mark Wiens’ visa should have immediately been revoked after this atrocious first bite of a meat pie at South Melbourne Market,” wrote one user.
“Fuck, who didn’t tell him first bite is always a temp check? That could’ve been the end of all his taste buds,” wrote another.
“What a brutal display. Abhorrent. I will never look at a meat pie the same again,” wrote a third.
However some people weren’t so kind with their words for Wiens. I’ve never seen Aussies come together on an issue like this so collaboratively.
“He eats like an owl,” wrote one user.
“It’s like that scene in The Lord of the Rings where Gollum eats the fish,” wrote another.
“Why is he fighting the pie?” wrote a third.
I think the main reason people are getting so riled up is because Wiens eats food for a living (and does so pretty normally). There’s just something about meat pies that turns him into a FREAK. It’s inexplicable, really.
One comment defending Wiens, however, absolutely sent me into the stratosphere.
“To be fair that pie clearly has all the hallmarks of the structural deficiencies common in boutique pies,” they wrote.
“You can choke a Four’n Twenty like you’re 3 hours into a speed-fueled wank session after a rave and it’ll still hold strong. That things falling apart like the royal family.”
I have no words. I’m deceased.
All this talk about clutching a pie like a blood-starved eagle is making me crave a meat pie — but don’t worry, I’ll eat it with the elegance and grace expected of me as an Aussie.
