For another story (TBC), I went out and bought Mamee Noodles for the first time since I was in primary school. They’re delicious, by the way – the flavour really holds up. What didn’t hold up – arguably ever, in fact – is the way I eat them.

Just in case you’re here and have NFI what I’m going on about, Mamee Noodles are a little snack of dried noodles formed into a square you could get at the canteen for like, 50 cents. God bless the 90s/early 00s.

the only Mamees I fuck with.

They had a little flavour sachet (BBQ if you were cool, Chicken if you were a LOSER) that you poured onto the dried noodle square.

SEE WHAT I SAID THERE?

At Woollahra Primary, the normal way to eat Mamee Noodles was to take the noodle square OUT of the bag, shake the flavour sachet onto it, then eat it like a sandwich.

Like this. Also how fucking small have the squares gotten? Daylight robbery, honestly.

I literally made that square before my Editor said “what the fuck are you doing” and my colleague Hannah said “are you eating it like a sandwich?”

Apparently, everyone has been crumbling the whole square up inside the bag, mixing the flavour in and then pouring it into their mouths. Meanwhile over here at Woollahra PS we were taking them out and eating our noodly sandwiches.

I took it to the wider team, and found no allies.

“Sandwich is the way if you have no soul. Sorry Mel,” said Matt.

“It was way too painful to eat it like a sandwich,” said Courtney.

In short, everyone agreed.

“I banged it up heaps then mixed in the nummy salt,” said Lucinda.

It’s a horrible experience realising your childhood normality was, in fact, completely fucking chaotic. Will I change my ways now I know The Truth?

Hahaha fuck that, brb eating second Mamee Noodles pack like the heathen I am. Honestly, why would you want to crush your noodles up into tiny, annoying pieces and then pour that down your gob? How fucking insane is that?

What an odd thing to do. I’ll be over here continuing to eat my Mamee’s in pure sandwich form thank you.

Image: Mamee Australia