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If there’s something that this year simply must bring us, especially after the arduous task of existing through the last 12 months, it’s a return of the Magnum Seven Deadly Sins ice cream range. It’s been nearly two decades since the range first dropped in 2003ish, so what better time to bring them back for a second, sinful session than now?

The early 00s was a glorious time: the turn of the Millennium had happened, we’d survived the impending Y2K bug and the chaos it threatened, and the time was ripe to throw shit at the wall to see what would stick. A real ‘no rules’ energy going on.

Nothing was “too much” back then, so Magnum went right ahead and released not one, not two, but seven new flavours over the course of a year (and then did the same a year later with nine flavours named after Sixties musicians and bands).

The ad for it was just as fucking weird, because it was the era of big budget advertising that could double as a short film if it really wanted to.

Treats from this limited-edition range was probably some of the first ~adult~ ice creams I ever had after graduating from the Paddle Pop and Bubble O’Bill end of the servo freezer. How could you even decide what to choose from the overwhelming number of new flavours suddenly on offer?

Ranging from a deeply indulgent white chocolate coated choc mud cake number for Gluttony to a peppermint green treat for Envy (which was so popular it ended up in Magnum’s permanent range), the Seven Deadly Sins Magnums were honestly something else. I mean, the Vanity flavour had those hard crunchy silver cake decorating balls embedded into its champagne chocolate coating. Why? Why not.

Importantly, the Magnum Sins range enlisted the devilish ice cream stick schtick that I obsessed over as a kid – Lick-A-Prize.

If you collected one stick from every flavour – which had words of sinful wisdom on them like “Greed is Good” – you could send them all in and nab yourself a branded Magnum t-shirt. The trick in this was in the planning: the flavours weren’t all released in one hit, so you had to collect sticks over an entire year of staggered drops. That in itself is as devilish as the ice cream itself.

I mean if I’ve somehow been able to manifest a Vienetta in a tub (thank you very much, Messina) then why can’t I use my frozen dessert-specific treats to bring back these seven (7) ice cream sticks? It’s time, Magnum. Deliver me my weird Revenge-flavoured ice cream treatie.

Image: YouTube / Magnum