Macca’s Is Adding Oat Milk To Its Menu Which Is Simply Oatstanding News For My Rectum


The milk gods have answered us and said: “Yes, you can have oat milk with your Macca’s coffee as a lil treat.”

In news that has truly brought a tear to Ronald McDonald’s eye, MILKLAB Oat Milk is now available at “participating restaurants” but “extra charges apply.”

“Together, at last. MILKLAB Oat Milk has officially joined the McCafé line-up,” Macca’s wrote in a Facebook post.

I, for one, welcome our new oat milk overlords. Please let me suckle on thine oat breasts.

For those who aren’t aware, oat milk is the superior non-dairy milk as I have already outlined here. But because I’m generous, I’ll remind you again.

Almond milk: not frothy enough and cheap brands taste like bum.

Soy milk: only good if the barista was sent from the heavens, otherwise it’s clumpy and vomit-inducing.

Rice milk: has no business existing, quite frankly.

Macadamia milk: actually slaps, but for the purpose of this article no it doesn’t.

Coconut milk: the flavour overpowers a good espresso.

Hemp milk: cannabis without the THC? No thanks.

Oat milk: very sexy and seems like it would be good in bed. Actually tastes good in a coffee and doesn’t burn easily.

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Now, I am aware some people have a gluten-intolerance and can’t have oat milk. And if that’s the case, I’m sorry, but also that doesn’t mean oat milk isn’t the GOAT — or OAT, if you will.

Thank you Ronald McDonald, the Hamburglar, Birdie the Early Bird, Officer Big Mac, Grimace and especially Mayor McCheese for listening to the will of the people. I am so excited for Macca’s to start selling oat milk that I might figuratively shit my pants (not literally, because I’d only do that if I was drinking regular milk).