I know we write about some really crook food over here at PEDESTRIAN.TV but nothing has rumbled me right down to the pits of my soul before now. I have recently learned about extra long spiral pasta and mates, these noodly worms have freaked me the fuck out.

It’s like spaghetti had a baby with the classic fusilli spirals, and birthed some chaotic, long fat spiral thing that I just…no. It’s just disturbed me too much, I’ve had some weird full-body repulsion to this like similar to the feeling people with trypophbia have when they see something full of holes. Which I also get quite mildly.

Just fucken look at this, it’s so crook.

This. This upsets me. I can’t tell you why exactly, but it makes my skin crawl.

The pasta is called “Colonne Pompeii” and it’s an extra-long fusilli that apparently grabs and soaks up more sauce than your regular-length fusilli.

Even with a different sauce I still can’t get on board here, I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry but the only pasta that’s allowed to be this long and noodley is spaghetti, fettuccine, pappardelle, and other normal pasta like that. Not spiral pasta. It just looks like it’s actually some kind of weird worm or alien or bug larvae. There’s just something wildly off about these long squiggly boys that I just can’t get on board with. I feel like it would come alive in my mouth.

What purpose does this serve? Wouldn’t you just have to cut it up to eat it anyway? I’m so very confused and concerned by this pasta, it definitely has some deeply cursed energy about it and I simply refuse to accept that this is real.

I hate it, it disturbs me, but my God, I would absolutely still eat the long-ass spiral pasta anyway.

Image: Instagram / @foodsofjane