There’s Now An Online Charcuterie Board Builder If You’re Comically Shit At Making Them

Entertaining season is nearly upon us and we’re positively randy with anticipation. If it’s your turn to host though, you know the sweaty nervous feelings that inevitably come along with it. The biggest culprit of said feelings is the pressure to present a cracker of a charcuterie board. 

These whimsical things have somehow catapulted themselves to cult status over the past few years, and while they seem simple in theory, making one is actually something of a fine art. Throwing a platter together that looks effortless while actually requiring much effort is a lot harder than it sounds. They’re like a delicious hot mess that make no sense at all yet simultaneously makes all the sense in the world. Blue cheese and honey actually do make a cracking combo, who knew? 

charcuterie board

But this just in, making a charcuterie board is literally never as easy as people make it out to be. “Just throw in a few cheeses and a handful of nuts,” they’ll tell you. But when you do the same it looks like a child’s macaroni pasta creation. Are we having fun yet? No. 

Anyway, if you’re sick of being the running joke at events when you rock up with a Kath & Kim-esque baby cheeses fiasco – we’ve got just the ticket. 

Hans (the delightful meat people) have just debuted an online charcuterie board builder that’ll teach you the humble art and have your judgey friends quite literally eating their words. You can choose from one of their pre-assembled beauties to replicate at home or let your freak flag fly and design your own from scratch with all the ingredients being compiled at the end. They’ve curated a bunch of meats, cheeses (hard & softies), dips, fruit and all that other good stuff so you’ve got options aplenty.

charcuterie board

It takes the guesswork out of the process and makes you feel less like Michaelangelo building the damn Sistine Chapel. Nobody has time for that. You won’t have to loiter around your local IGA for hours looking shifty as hell because you can’t decide what you want – you’ll be in and out in a jif. The builder will also generate a shopping list with the exact quantities you’ll need of everything – and it changes according to how many people you’re having over (if quick maths isn’t your jam). You can literally email the list to yourself too if you’re on desktop and can’t screenshot. Heaven

We’re feeling blessed to have such a thing in our lives and ready to dominate the next group event. Your days of presenting charcuterie boards that look like flaming garbage are well and truly behind you. You’re sitting at the winners table now and the view looks pretty good from up here. 

Go forth and get your graze on. Try the virtual charcuterie board builder here

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