The mince pie. It’s arguably the worst part of Christmas eating – no you cannot yell at me about this. They are not good and only an acceptable option when you’re really desperate for some kind of treat at the eleventh hour and craving something, anything to snack on. They’re fruity and spicy and just do not sit well for me, I’m very sorry.
[jwplayer L1YkEjGo]
Could they be made worse? Surely not. And yet here we are, with the knowledge that a very silly misunderstanding has made the humble mince pie – my late grandfather’s favourite thing to bring to Christmas lunch en masse – absolutely fucking cursed.
I’m genuinely hoping that this is a joke, an elaborate Online Prank that would make Ashton Kutcher weep with pride, because Jesus Christmas, this is just so upsetting.
The Spruce Eats posted a ‘Mincemeat and Apple Tart’ recipe back in September, and it’s been brought to our attention that the poor sod who wrote the recipe somehow mixed up mincemeat, the dried fruit mixture, with minced meat, actual meat.
utterly obsessed with this american site that has confused mince with mincemeat, and created this abomination pic.twitter.com/Y31NqYGYrV
— Luke Bailey (@imbadatlife) December 9, 2019
Just stop and think about this for a second. Mince pie, but the mince is actual minced meat. With no gravy or sauce. With apple slices popped on top. Baked. If you don’t believe me, someone found the Google cache of the article before it was corrected.
I simply cannot stress this enough; do not make this pie.
Jesus fucking Christ this is something I’d imagine would come out of the putrid ovens of Ebenezer Scrooge when he’s still all gung-ho about how much Christmas sucks and how deeply he yearns to make it utterly terrible for everyone.
Naturally, my food group chat lit the fuck up about the Cursed Pie.
A cursory Google let me find the source of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad pie, which was published by The Spruce Eats back in September, and was updated on December 9 (yes, yesterday) with what I presume is the correct recipe. So, you know, people aren’t out there making dry-ass ground meat pies with a sweet pastry crust and apple on top.
Instead of just straight-up ignoring the fact that this was so monumentally wrong in the first place, the website has updated the recipe name to say: Mincemeat and Apple Tart – Now Meat Free!! after the huge cock-up was brought to their attention.
It’s true folks. Put on my @EliotHiggins hat and found the source. I had my doubts, but this exchange under the recipe sealed it: pic.twitter.com/8iutQIrR7G
— Kealan Symes (@kilogolfsierra) December 9, 2019
The fact that this has clearly been live for months as a sweet (?) meat-filled pie (??) with a shortcrust pastry (???) has me worried for a bunch of blissfully unaware folks who have trotted off to various early Christmas parties with this absolute tastebud destroyer in their arms.
