UPDATE — Tuesday 28 June, 2022. Romaine calm KFC stans because I have some good news and some bad news.

If you’re a Pepsi freeze half full kinda person, the marvellous news is that lettuce will be back on the KFC menu by spring.

Per The Age, parent company Collins Foods chief executive Drew O’Malley confirmed the news.

“We think within the next five to seven weeks we’d probably see a return to normal,” he said.

But thanks to rising fuel, shipping, packaging and produce costs, you’ll sadly be paying more for that Original Recipe burger combo.

“We do think that another additional menu price increase may be required,” O’Malley said.

According to the Australian Financial Review, KFC will be lifting their prices by one to two per cent, which is in line with similar increases in January and June.

That’s right: This will be the third time KFC has increased their prices in 2022. That fickle mistress inflation won’t stop until she’s annihilated Colonel Sanders and every goddamn greasy, deep-fried thing he stands for.

O’Malley didn’t confirm when the next price increase would be rolling in but lettuce pray it doesn’t hit until after the shredded iceberg of yore returns. Just for old times’ sake.

ORIGINAL — Tuesday 7 June, 2022. Due to a lettuce shortage, Aussie KFC stores will now use a blend of lettuce and cabbage in the iconic burgers and wraps. That’s finger-lick’n not good.

The fast-food giant issued a statement to customers on its website, citing the “recent floods in NSW and QLD” as the reason our Zinger burgers will be deprived of that crispy iceberg lettuce taste. A Zinger just isn’t a zinger without the mother-of-all-lettuces.

“We’re currently experiencing a lettuce shortage. So, we’re using a lettuce and cabbage blend on all products containing lettuce until further notice,” KFC said in a statement.

“If that’s not your bag, simply click ‘Customise’ on your chosen product and remove lettuce from the recipe.”

It’s no surprise KFC is opting for the more economical option, when iceberg lettuce heads could set ya back an astounding $12 dollarydoos – according to Sydney Morning Herald. I could literally buy a meal at KFC for that money.

To be fair to Mr. Colonel Sanders, I do have to say cabbage is a much better choice than a different type of lettuce. Like fucking leaf lettuce, for instance. Yuck. Or some Coles mixed lettuce shite, like rocket and kale. Ew

KFC Has Given Us A Timeline For When It’s Gonna Be Ditching Cabbage, Which Is Rly Zinging My Box
DISGUSTTTTENNGGGGGG. (Getty images/Creativeye99)

Cos lettuce would’ve gone down a treat though. But that’s ok Colonel, I can find it in my heart to forgive you.

I think the other benefit of using cabbage is that never really loses its crunch. Iceberg — on the other hand — can quickly go soggy if it’s been left out for too long.

It’s not the first time a food shortage has interrupted sales for the chicken king. Although last time it was a lot worse, because KFC faced a chicken shortage… the only thing they really do.

Yes, earlier this year, KFC were operating at a reduced menu with items like popcorn chicken and burgers off the menu temporarily.

I think I can safely say I’d much rather a chicken burger without lettuce than a chicken burger without chicken.

Let’s hope this shortage is only temporarily, and then when it’s over – lettuce rejoice!

Source: HBO / Sex and the City