KFC USA Is Testing Cheetos On A Burger Because We’re Not Dying Fast Enough

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when we all tipped over the edge into full doe-eyed capitalist subservience; the point in which titans of industry started hurling slops from above which we all lapped up and thanked them for. But conversely: Fuck it. Absolutely fuck it. Who the hell cares. Cheetos on a KFC burger is the absolute end times of artery-congealing helldishes and I demand to be given three of them immediately.

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The United States arm of the Colonel’s House of Flavour is trialling a Cheetos Sandwich in a raft of Southern States, the composition of which doesn’t pack any culinary surprises beyond the promises in its name.

Per the press release issued by KFC US officials, the sandwich consists of the following real-world ingredients.

Made by coating a juicy, hand-breaded Extra Crispy chicken filet with special Cheetos sauce and placing it on a toasted bun with mayo and a layer of crunchy Cheetos, the Cheetos Sandwich will give you a blast of craveable Cheetos in every bite.

At this point I must state, for the sake of journalistic ethics and integrity, that if any KFC US representatives are reading this then you must send me the awful burgie. Give me the chippy burg. Give.

It’s unreal that they’re hammering Cheetos into a burger as the only non-chicken non-sauce ingredient of the burger as is, but to go ahead and create a Cheetos sauce to accompany it? That’s bold food work right there. It has to be respected.

Those of you rightfully chomping at the bit to get this demonic orange monstrosity into your unprepared guts ASAP might have to do a bit of sleuthing; the sandwich is available only in selected stores in the US states of North Carolina, Virginia, and Georgia.

But to the victor goes the spoils. Or, in this case, the deep and glorious existential regret that can only be achieved after eating something truly fucked.

Now if those KFC cowards would do the only right and just thing and create a variant with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos we’ll really be in business.