You Can Now Buy Plane Food To Heat & Eat At Home If You Wish To Be Full Of Eggy Farts

We’ve all been missing travelling while the COVID-19 pandemic has kept everyone home and grounded for the last few months, that I know for sure. But never fear, there’s one experience from the whole gamut of airports, flights, and lengthy stints in tin cans in the air that you can have at home this weekend – plane food. That gloriously shithouse meal you get given at fuck-knows-what-time is absolutely being sold to the public now flights are largely grounded.

In-flight catering Gate Gourmet is piffing off packs of the meals you’d normally get somewhere over the ocean that returns to haunt your ass after about 40 minutes (or most of an episode of whatever you’re bingeing on your tiny screen) so if you’re in Sydney, Melbourne, or Brisbane, and you’ve been missing a 4am serving of weird egg and that undiscernible sausage, you can indulge this weekend.

in-flight plane food
IM READY FOR THE WEEKEND, BIRTNEY.

The meals are ridiculously cheap, too. The packs come with a random assortment of little meals (either veg or non-veg) that you just have to bung in the microwave for 2-5 mins or in the oven for 20 mins, and range between $20 to $40, depending on how much you want to get.

But let me assure you, building an entire 24hrs of meals is absolutely doable here. You can set yourself up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you put your mind to it.

If you’re just after some breakfast, there’s a mixed breakfast meal pack which gets you 10 plane-sized serves of food that could be an omelette with mushrooms or maybe scrambled eggs also with mushrooms.

The mixed lunch/dinner pack will set you back $25 for 10 meals, which could range from some kind of chicken casserole thing with potatoes and peas, to something that maybe looks like pad thai noodles (?) or what I think might be a veg lasagne or a veggie stack.

And if you want to try and recreate a reasonably-packed flight with your housemates (legit, this could be a good small-scale house party idea here), there’s a mixed combo pack for $40, which will get you a mixture of 20 meals ranging across breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Ok now I’m thinking about it, this could be the cherry on the top of a very solid party idea.

Picture this: you have to stay in the house all weekend, can only sit and sleep on the couches that have been moved to be about 30cm in front of each other.

There’s a limited amount of old movies on tablets on your seat, and you have to eat these plane food meals on a tray on your lap with the flimsiest cutlery you can find, but there are tiny bottles of wine and spirits available.

Also someone’s a little too drunk for the long-haul situation.

Also one person is allowed to get up to pee at any time, and everyone’s constantly farting from the microwaved eggs.

Oh, and one (1) person gets chosen at random to move to First Class and can sleep in a bed and order in food.

This is your life for the next 14 hours until you get to your ~destination~ and can disembark.

Sounds like chaos, I’m in.

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