Sweet motherfucking christ, my good friends and step brothers, the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer is showing up for one day only in Melbourne in September, bringing with it an impressive amount of yacht rock, captains hats, helicopter sales, and POW to the city’s inner north.
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An event that’s almost good enough to get your parents back together, SA’s Howards Winery will transform Welcome To Thornbury’s beer garden into more of a wine haven on Saturday, September 14 for those who don’t like people messin’ with their nut, make bank, bro, get ass, and drive a Range Rover. Hopefully, it’ll involve less shitty drum solos with John C. Reilly yelling “boats and hoes!” over the top.
Instead, you’ll be able to don your best Capitano’s hat, pretend you know shit about yachts and helicopters, taste a bunch of wines from around the traps, and chow down on fare from Melbourne’s finest food trucks, while watching yacht rock nonet Sex On Toast probably play their own tracks and not the entirety of Bocelli‘s ‘Por Ti Volare‘.
The one-day festival also promises to have a whole-ass yacht parked in the middle of the beer garden – no confirmation over whether Adam Scott‘s Derek will be there to try and sell and/or lease it to you, though.
Tickets for the Melbourne Catalina Wine Mixer begin at a tidy $5 to head in and see the band, up to a whopper $130, which gets you bottomless wines for three hours, VIP access, and a bunch of other good shit. You can cop a ticket over on the festival’s website.
So alert your Night Hawk/Dragon, dig out your loudest party shirt and aviator sunglasses, the fuckin’ Catalina Wine Mixer is nearly upon us.
