Going Goblin Mode has embedded itself pretty well in our lives now, right? Like we’re all quite partial to going a bit feral and leaning into being a rotten little troll every now and again as a way to release gremlin energy. Perhaps to fully go Goblin Mode we need to lean into producing things that are soaked in the same curiously-foul-yet-kinda-fancy energy? This is why I’ve been obsessed with the recent emergence of what can only be described as goblin cakes.

The best way to explain this new style of cake presentation is that it’s like the simply disgusting offerings we’ve seen fictional characters like Hagrid and Mr Burns turn out, but real and actually edible.

goblin cakes ugly delicious
Why can I always smell this image and it’s never good? [Image: The Simpsons]
There’s something unnerving about the presentation of the cake that makes you wonder if you can actually eat it without developing some kind of gastrointestinal fuckery. But on closer inspection, it’s just the look that’s alarming — they actually sounds like they taste pretty bloody good.

Using colours that don’t really compliment each other and the tactic of a gaudy “more is more” approach, these goblin cakes subvert the expectations of what a good cake is.

After generations of perfecting cakes to be aesthetically pleasing creations, why not flip everything on its head and create something so fucking monstrous it looks like it could kill you at a moment’s notice?

When everyone’s out there making perfect piping and Instagram-worthy tiered masterpieces sometimes you just need a visually confronting thing to blow the candles out on when you’re feeling particularly impish.

I don’t know what it is about these cakes that do it for me, but they just do. Perhaps it’s the rebelliousness of creating something deliciously disgusting that taps into my latent angsty emo years.

I know full well that if these styles of cakes were in any way existent in the mid-2000s I would have demanded one for my 16th birthday.

All these goblin cakes look like they were made in a back alley of a swamp and I — quite sincerely — love it. More of these ugly-ass cakes that very likely taste like heaven, please.

If anyone’s looking for something to get me for my birthday this year (in June, by the way) it’s this. Surround me with the ugly deliciousness of goblin cakes. Make me the most crook looking thing you can, and I’ll be so pleased.

Image: Instagram / @cracked.bolos / @rustcakes