All Australians of a certain age absolutely love the Slow Cooker. It is the pinnacle of kitchen achievement, to them. Once one appears in the house, there is no limit to what they will throw in there. It simply does not matter to them. Any food is fair game, provided they can set it in the morning, forget about it, and then come home 27 hours later to a pot full of hot slop. It’s the highest culinary goal to chuck a thing of $2 sausages in there with water and beef & onion Gravox to cover and then blast it on high for a week until it turns into one wobbly brown disc. We’ll all hit that age one day, where the un-rendered fat on a corned silverside stops looking like slug cum and chowing down on a grey minute steak that’s been gently boiled in Single Dad Shiraz since time immemorial suddenly becomes an urge too great to resist. But until then I am going to spend every waking day of my life railing against the absolute lunatic shit people do to their Slow Cookers, like this beyond fucked up Dim Sim “recipe” that’s seriously making me consider embracing meal replacement shakes.
[jwplayer OWTqTpnh]
The Facebook page Slow Cooker Recipe & Tips – a deeply cursed place full of hellish creations like a “four-ingredient Christmas cake” that’s just flour with fruit soaked in Bailey’s and chocolate milk (good god) – is responsible for this clear vision of hell.
Posted earlier in the week, the “recipe” is a two-ingredient dim sim hack, where one of the ingredients is “dim sims.”
Fuck off with that. Fuck right off. That’s frozen dim sims blasted for 3 hours in enough off-the-shelf sweet chilli sauce to clog an artery on the spot. What the fuck. What the fuck, mate.
What possible net gain are you getting out of that that nuking the bastards for 40 seconds in the microwave isn’t getting you. What good does simmering down sugary-ass Home Brand sweet chilli sauce so? Removing what little liquid is actually left in there and creating some sort of red flakey glaze that could probably double as industrial adhesive?
This is an abomination. It is unholy. It is a fever dream only the most cemented-in outer suburban malaise could ever cook up.
But most importantly of all, in what godforsaken world is anyone ever gonna wait THREE BLOODY HOURS to eat dim sims?
Get outta here with that shit, man. Get it away.
