There are several reasons why Easter, the chocolate-fuelled holiday, is one of my favourite holidays of the year.
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A) There’s not one, but two public holidays aligned with the weekend, allowing us to sneak in a cheeky getaway without using any annual leave.
B) We have chocolate being handed to us by relos, mates, colleagues, you name it.
C) Unlike Christmas, the commercial holiday, gift giving is relatively cheap. You buy your loved one a Cadbury bunny or a box of Favourites and you call it a day.
With B) and C) in mind, we need to address the biggest predicament surrounding Easter: Why do some people buy their loved ones cheap chocolate?
Hey, I love a bargain as much as the next guy, especially when you’re buying something for a family member who you just know is going to be mocking your ripped jeans within seconds of passing nan’s letterbox, but in my opinion chocolate is an area where one must never skimp.
You can get away with cheapo brand biscuits, ice-cream and various frozen goods, but chocolate? Never. Absolutely never. That shit is too vile to even interact with your taste buds.
So the way it usually goes is you’re given Cadbury, Ferrero Rocher, Lindt and other quality branded goods by people who actually value your life and naturally you tuck into that stuff first, then days later when you’re craving a chocolate fix after the long weekend binge, there it is staring right at you: The poxy chocolate that you banished to the back of your pantry.
Because you’re so despo for those chocolate-coated endorphins, you tell yourself, ‘Surely it can’t be that bad? I’ll give it a crack. It’s better than nothing.’
Then you force yourself to try it and immediately regret all your life choices (including the one where you allowed this person into your life).
Yep, it’s my contention that no-named brand chocolate is literally worse than nothing.
And the thing that I don’t understand is, brands like Cadbury are pretty damn affordable. You just buy an egg or two and boom, Bob’s your uncle. A delicious, thoughtful and very much appreciated gift is sorted for less than $10. Less than the cost of a bevvy at your local.
So why do people insist on gifting us with this subpar product? This chocolatey slap in the face?
I mean, you’re not fooling anyone. We all know you spent your leftover shrapnel on this obligation gift, knowing full well that we’re not going to enjoy it. WHY bother?
So anyway, my good people, if you’re thinking about buying your mate some stingy chocolate this Easter, may I offer you some advice?
