So there I am, calmly (panicked, alarmed by how many people simply refuse to social distance) strolling down the aisles of my local supermarket, buying shit to make complicated iso dinners I would never make in my real life. Then – BAM! What do I spot in the bread aisle? CRUMPET TOAST.

I, like you unless you’re a garbage human, have long had a soft spot in my heart for the humble crumpet. It’s a good treat. It’s essentially just a holey vessel for butter and honey, but that’s WHY it’s a good treat.

There isn’t any way to improve the crumpet, I don’t think. It fits in toasters. It’s light and fluffy. All good things. I guess you can buy those sourdough fancy crumpets and I like them, but I have no qualms with your classic supermarket Golden brand recipe either.

Oh wait, there’s also these square ones.

These are cool – but they’re not the same as crumpet toast.

It turns out crumpet toast is actually quite hard to find. From my Google sleuthing, I can’t tell if my local IGA (where I found my baggie) was getting rid of old, discontinued stock or if it’s making a comeback.

For example, to shop online the only place I can find it is Coles, and they have it listed as “temporarily unavailable”.

It seems like it used to exist, then disappeared. A post from six (!!) years ago on the Golden Facebook page asking for crumpet toast back, for example.

Whatever the case, if you’re lucky you’ll find it. Mine was from IGA, but Coles is listing it as something they DID have, and may have in future.

I will describe it to you. It’s toast-sized (der) but the real hook is that the holes go all the way THROUGH the bread. This means both sides end up crunchy, and the texture is light and fluffy. None of that weird leathery base bit, you know? The only negative about OG crumpets.

Crumpet toast is a bit more bread-like than your regular crumpet, but tastes similar – maybe somewhere between light, fluffy toast and a crumpet? I reckon you could mix it up with toppings and even go for a Vegemite cheese combo if you felt wild, but I went for classic butter and honey.

I wouldn’t say crumpet toast replaces the OG, but it’s a nice addition.

Side note – I went to the Golden Facebook page home. I sent them a message:

And then saw THIS ANNOUNCEMENT. It basically says they’ve got a “big” surprise coming. I’m going to assume it’s the crumpet toast, and the packs I found in my IGA are just the initial rollout.

PHEW. What an investigative journey that was. On par with investigative journalists who uncover global political cover-ups, I feel.