To all the cheese admirers out there, I have important news.

To all you unfortunate humans intolerant to lactose, this news is going to make your day a whole lot shittier.

THE NEWS: A cheese advent calendar – I repeat, a cheese advent calendar – has made its way to Woolies stories across the nation. It’s almost too gouda be true. (I’m sorry, I had to.)

The Ilchester 12 Days of Cheesemas Advent Calendar features 12 types of cheese in the lead up to Christmas. For all you foodies who want more info on some of the cheeses, check out the following descriptions from the press release.

  • Applewood (smooth, smokey and dusted with paprika)
  • Mature Cheddar (creamy and earthy)
  • Red Leicester (the perfect amount of nuttiness)
  • Double Gloucester (rich with a hard texture)
  • Wensleydale with Cranberries (perfect for your cheese board)
  • Wensleydale with Gingerbread (soft and sweet)

Soft and sweet also happens to be my Tinder profile. Love that for us.

But seriously, though, my bowels are already growling. Sweet cheezus.

The calendars are available for 16 buckeroos until all stocks are cleared. For more info, check out the Woolies page here.

When I’m done with this calendar, all that’ll be left is de brie. (I’m so sorry again. I’ll let myself out.)