One of the best things about the Aussie Christmas being smack bang in Aussie summer is the ability to gorge yourself on seafood if that’s your kinda thing. My family has the yearly tradition of buying at least a kilo of prawns, so finding out that shops this year are gonna be piffing big lobsters for very cheap is a hell of a treat.

Export markets have been affected by the COVID-19 pandemic and China’s ongoing trade war with Australia, which means there’s a huge surplus of produce in the country that usually would get shipped overseas ahead of the holiday season. Local supermarket chains like Coles and Woolworths have taken advantage of this sudden glut of yum stuff, and now it’s all being sold for a tidy sum.

Western Australian rock lobsters are part of this Aussie produce smorgasbord up for sale, which means you can take home a lobbie for a Red Lobster (that’s a $20 note for everyone playing at home).

That deli section is gonna be off the chain this year, and finally, I can live my dream of being a fancy-ass bitch drinking champagne and eating lobster at Christmas lunch.

Apparently, Coles has taken on 29x the volume of lobsters it usually gets in at this time of year – and Woolies has picked up five times the amount it normally puts out – with the prediction that Aussie families are collectively going to hoof down on 35 TONNES of lobbies this year. For comparison, it’s usually around 6.5 tonnes. Fuck me, that’s a couple of plates of mornay.

The rock lobsters are on sale from Coles and Woolies for $20 a pop from Friday, December 11 (that’s today!) and rolled out over the weekend.

Garn get in there and grab yourself a couple of Pinchys (it’s what he would have wanted) and take Dad too so he can make all the dumb B52s jokes he so desires.

Image: Supplied