It’s Cadbury Creme Egg season, also known as the time the baby Jesus died. He wasn’t a baby but you know, once he was. Whatever, this is irrelevant – it’s Easter, and Easter means Creme Eggs.
I can’t think of a more divisive chocolate besides the humble Creme Egg. Maybe Cadbury Snack, but I think that’s just a universally disliked chocolate bar unless you’re 88 and it reminds you of your youth and travelling down to Ye Olde Chocolate Shoppe to collect one bar for a pence.
But the Creme Egg – it’s got lovers. It’s got haters. And they really can’t seem to agree on any factor when it comes to the little eggy bois. Nope, this is a chocolate you either love or loathe. To determine once and for all (no) who is right, we decided to debate the matter.
FOR – Josie
I was raised an atheist with no real choice in the matter. So, without any offence to our more spiritual readers out there, Easter means nothing to me. Nothing except CHOCOLATE. I don’t really know anything about Jesus or what went on at Easter time back in the day. To me, this time of year has always been about accumulating as many small, foil-wrapped treats as I can and eating them all over the space of a four-day weekend. I turn from my normal self into a sugar-fuelled demon who can only be sated by the sweetest, most sickly of all the treats: the Cadbury Creme Egg.
The mini ones, the McFlurrys, the Cadbury block version — they can all get into the nearest bin. All I care about are the original, full-size Creme Eggs. They are almost the size and shape of a real egg, and you bite into them and they look like a real egg! But psych — they’re made of sugar upon sugar mixed in with sugar and coated with sugar. There’s something very enticing about how aggressively sweet they are. I like to buy a six pack of them, eat them all, and wait for my teeth to start aching. I am full aware that they are disgusting, but to me, they are perfect and I love them.
But, importantly, I only love them once a year. This is the thing: if Creme Eggs were available at all times it would be dangerous. It would simply be too much sweetness. The sugary goodness would turn into badness, and the world would end. And worse, I would have no teeth. So yes, I am all about these demonically great Easter treats, but only for four blessed days.
AGAINST – Mel
I’m sorry, you cannot honestly tell me you want to digest 400000 calories of sugar syrup for fun. Because that is what the “yolk” and “egg white” is inside that chocolatey shell – PLAIN OLD SUGAR SYRUP. Lots of it. You could just mix a glass of warm water with 40 spoonfuls of white sugar and call it a day, instead of forking out actual money.
Also, are you an ant? Only ants like sugar syrup. Tell your tastebuds to grow up and start acting like adults. It’s time to eat something mature, like a Caramello Koala. Just make wiser choices, you know? Sure the Creme Egg looks cute with it’s little yolky centre, all novelty and eggy. But the reality is, no one should ingest that much unflavoured sugar. To be fair – raw egg yolk is fundamentally gross, so naturally the sugar-version of raw egg yolk is also fundamentally gross. At least they’re being realistic.
My take is this. You are weird and unhinged if you actually enjoy this “treat”.