Let me be very clear about this: the fan experience at live American sports is absolutely second-to-none. Everything about it, from the sleek stadiums to the music and light presentations, is top class. But that goes double for in-stadium food and drink. It might cost you a devil’s ransom, but being able to sit my ass down in a comfortable seat with a giant box of waffle fries that come with four – FOUR – sauces as standard and a beer in a cup so large it could end the drought? Mates, it kicks ass. So I have absolutely no issue wholeheartedly relaying the news to you that a major US baseball team will be selling, get this, whole fried chickens to punters at their home games this season.
The Atlanta Braves have long been locked in the US sporting arms race to provide their fans with the most outrageously heart-clenching fare possible; last year the team served up a giant cheeseburger served between two personal pizzas, for example.
But with home stadium SunTrust Park officials unveiling their newest additions to the on-going menu earlier today, they may have outdone themselves.
Anybody hungry? 🤤 pic.twitter.com/3gycjl01XN
— Truist Park (@TruistPark) March 27, 2019
In amongst a pretty standard-looking double cheeseburger, steak nachos, and what appears to be a maple log doughnut garnished with hot wings, is a full chook that’s had the living christ fried out of it.
Take a closer look.
A coupla chippies, a mound of coleslaw, and a full fried chook. The entire thing. Breaded and battered and thrown into the fryer whole. Incredible stuff.
While we’re absolutely, unquestionably on board with this (dear SunTrust Park/Atlanta Braves, fly us out and give us some, thanks), queries about how it’s served now demand answering.
Do they serve it up whole, as is, or is broken down by kitchen staff prior to serving?
If the former, do they supply some sort of plastic carving knife, or are punters expected to go hammer and tongs on it with their hands?
Will it come with stuffing? For the love of god, serve it with stuffing.
And finally, whose 7th Inning do I have to Stretch around here to get the AFL to treat me like a goddamned adult at games?
All I want is a giant snack and a beer the size of a VW Golf at the G while the footy’s on. Is that SO MUCH to ask?