Hipster Toddlers  June 23, 2008

Sorry to be misleading but this post isn't about The Cool Kids it's about cool kids, let me explain...

The area that I live in is by in large crawling with hipsters - achingly cool, fashion forward, culturally aware and musically literate stick figures in their late teens/early twenties. These specimens invariably use their connections through constant socializing, and their drive to be better than everyone else to metamorphosize into a late twenties/early thirties creative yuppie type working at a fashion label/record label/magazine/design studio/creative agency etc etc. They still retain the cool hunting hunger of their youth albeit for bigger toys such as furniture and cars, they can do this because their paychecks have increased while their hard partying has dwindled (though they'll still jump at the chance to get on the rack). They might still be discovering new music but sign post it to older music they already know and love, their personal style is becoming less trendy - more classic, there are eating better and going to the gym which they never suspected they would do. They've been in a relationship for a while and have gotten married because it felt like the right thing to do and they'll never find anyone else who puts up with them. This propels them into "double income no kids" possession accumulation mode. They are financially secure, self assured, in a relationship. Where to from here? The answer is simple, restart the cycle and have hipster babies...

Let's actually have a look at some examples of hipster kids so you know what I'm talking about. This guy has steez but the only kid that should have a street photographer snapping their picture regularly is Scott Schuman's daughter.

I'm sure your kids love abrasive guitars and the wonders of alternate tuning but the only kid who should be listening to Sonic Youth is Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore's daughter and only in a "listen to what Mummy and Daddy do for a living" capacity.

I'm not too sure if I like hipster toddlers. They're younger then me, dress more avant-garde then me (socks on their hands, a bucket for a hat), listen to more obscure music than me (Is Captain Feathersword like Captain Beefheart?), and skinnier then me. Just joking, I'm not that insecure. The reality is these toddlers are just products of their parents latent Hipsterdom, they almost act as walking badges of honour for their cool mums and dads who live vicariously through their offspring. These miniature clones meanwhile, remain largely oblivious to their very existence being used as a cultural statement. Sleeping to Radiohead's "How To Disappear Completely" by night and playing in their designer clothes by day such as those made by Acne (pictured below).

I know I'm being cynical but it's probably borne out of some deeply suppressed jealousy. So enough with the cool kids and their tiny sneakers and miniature guitars, they're making me look bad...