News.
It's hard to imagine outright discrimination existing in this inclusive post-Obama world. But in Australia at least, egalitarianism is a French word that has no meaning and too many letters. In THIS COUNTRY (thank God) if we don't take kindly to your type we're gonna profile you and your weird ass friends then ban all of you from entering the premises. Yes, that means you Metrosexuals, Lads and Festival Bros - you're on the discrimination list and you only have your pointy white shoes, penchant for violence and sweat glands (respectively) to blame. Let's take a deeper look.
NO METROSEXUALS
According to news.com.au Melbourne's Ding Dong Lounge have banned metrosexuals in the name of patron safety. But safety against what? A pre-emptive strike against flammable hair products? Death by narcissism? Spray tan poisoning? All valid answers, but no, the club has outlawed Metrosexuals to curb violence - against themselves.
Says news.com.au: The promoter, credited with bringing the Perth-based event Dorcia to Melbourne in September, warned punters they would not get in wearing trademark metrosexual attire - for example, low-cut V-neck T-shirts, skinny jeans and pointed white shoes...
Popular brand Ed Hardy tops the list of unacceptable clothing, as does "fight fashion" from brands such as Tapout. Other faux pas include pointed leather shoes, shirts with numbers on them, tight T-shirts and polo shirts with popped collars.
Men sporting blond tips or dyed rats' tails will also be turned away.
Management also warned that ejected troublemakers would be photographed for a "name and shame" wall just inside the entrance.
First of all what's fight fashion? Is that like Chanel nunchucks or Ksubi shotguns...or something? Also, Ed Hardy, dyed rats' tails and popped polos? Is that not the mark of a greasy rohypnol wielding rapist. When did the term metrosexual become interchangeable with douche bag? When? Needless to say I'm a bit vexed by this one but completely agree with outlawing "shirts with numbers on them". Wearing shirts with numbers on them is tantamount to burning the Australian flag and warrants the death penalty.
NO LADS
I wasn't entirely sure of what a Lad was until I saw the photo above. I guess they're the Aussie equivalent of Chavs but far less numerous and way less dangerous. They are however, intimidating (and perhaps smelly) enough to warrant banishment at Sydney's Acer Arena. Items on the hit list include stripped polo shirts, skin caps and clothing with the nautical label. My only query would be this. What recording artist on Earth is both A) Well liked by Lads and B) Capable of selling out the Acer Arena? I found the answer in the below Venn diagram I chanced upon in a Sociology scientific journal.
NO FESTIVAL BROS
If you check out the important festival information/conditions of entry listed on Stereosonic's website, you'll find this little nugget of gold...
Stereosonic has a 'TOPS ON' policy. Anyone not wearing tops (singlet, t-shirt etc…) will be rejected at the gate. Anyone inside the event not wearing a top will have their wristband removed and will be ejected from the event.
I think we can all agree that shirtless festival bros are the worst. But it's their God given right to give the cute girl in denim cutoffs, the jolly security guy, the lead singer on stage, the magpie flying overhead, me, you, the way too eager social photographer, the other shirtless festival bros, that rock on the ground, the tree on the other side of the field, the munter in the corner, the bar staff, heck the whole world front row seats to the gun show. We should ensure that pants stay on at festivals, not shirts.
Nevertheless sweaty dudes are disgusting and I did watch Twilight: New Moon last week so my man torso quota has been filled for oh, a thousand billion lifetimes.
In conclusion, hatin' and discriminatin' is whack Australia! Festival Bros, Metrosexuals and Lads are completely terrible but they're also pretty harmless. Lets go back to hating the true villains of Australia: Politicians, under performing sportsmen, parking cops and dodgy tradesmen.
Comments.
at 10:07pm
at 11:20pm
although i too wonder about the description of "metrosexuals" in the first example
metrosexuals are supposed to be guys who care about their appearance right?
if they did, would they really be wearing "shirts with numbers on them, tight T-shirts and polo shirts with popped collars" not to mention blond tips or (god forbid) dyed rats tails.
i think they havent gone far enough, because if only dyed rats tails are banned they have clearly been a bit lax.
at 04:31pm
at 09:04pm
Are you the same tossers who think bashing a cop is ok and detailed murder planning in writing is NOT pre-meditation??!! The same women that look for a decent haircut in a bloke and chase footballers like they're on The Bachelorette?Stop smoking the meth,fucking a drongo and wake-up
it's fucking boring *another dress code* shite. not signifiers for a new 'trendy'*groan* suburban *thang*.
some people just get too pissed too quick and make a dick out of themselves-including the rowdy 'chicks'.
I'm wondering how these clubs are trying to make a living through "ahem' 're-packaging' themselves-
by stating exactly "What to Wear" the PUB version of Tinny and Slug-tugger....
at 12:19pm
As for festival bros, I don't want to see you with your shirt off, NO ONE does, you don't look hot, you look like the type of person that is stupid enough to walk around shirtless in the midday sun! You deserve the heatstroke.
What happened to all the nice normal people? I think perhaps they've all but disappeared from our cities. The nicest blokes I've ever met in pubs and clubs have been in small towns and remote areas in the NT. That's where all the cool people seem to be.
Oh, and chavs are like little kittens compared to some of the lads around these parts.
at 04:52pm
* the comment "When did the term metrosexual become interchangeable with douche bag? When?" - well i'll tell you when that happened.... Australian slang dictates that "metosexual" has no definable difference from "douche bag", in essence they are one and the same, so interchangable they are. So as to when that interchangeability occured would be the same day the term "meterosexual" was defined.
so in laymans terms Australians belive all metterosexuals are douche bags.... therfore the terms are interchangeable.
* i must say i didn't know about the no shirt rule at outdoor festivals and i agree it is a silly rule
* as for the reasons i imagine we ban such doche bags is because as like the rest of the world douche bags are every where. they can ruin a great night out (or day out) so i guess we are just saying we reserve the right to toss you out of an event if we don't like you. don't take it personally we are just sick of doche bags/ meterosexuals/ bros/ lads what ever you want to call them.
join the cause and stop douche baggery now.
at 10:18pm
at 06:05pm
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at 07:48pm