I'm going to start this off with one phrase, and one phrase only.

Dildon't.

Please. I swear, every week a new, absurd sex toy crops up on the internet. First it was the BDSM mask in the shape of a huge, swollen vulva. Then it was that hyper-realistic twerking butt and vag simulator. Now?

Some self-proclaimed 'geeks' over in the US have created a range of sex toys inspired by the film Guardians of the Galaxy.

They've called the range Orgasms of the Galaxy, and on offer is a stunning array of intergalactic corncobs, astral weapons of ass destruction and cosmological cavity crammers:


Not content with just polluting our solar system with the very existence of this smut, they've also released a deeply weird video of some bloke dancing behind a table of the toys:


Yes, these toys really do exist, and you can purchase them on their website, Geeky Sex Toys - For Naughty Nerds.

Our personal favourite? The Root.

all i can think about is splinters

"Root is a sentient, tree-like dildo and frequent accomplice of intergalactic criminal Randy the Racoon butt plug. Root boasts a long branchy 8 inch shaft and is made out of a firm medical grade silicone. Let it’s woody texture grow your orgasms to new and exciting level."

In addition to the Galaxy toys (that range from $50 to $99USD), there's also Unicorn Horn Dildos and Sailor Moon Wands. What A Time To Be Alive (And Horny).

Source: Refinery29.
Photo: @geeky_sex_toys / Instagram.