Barron Trump Is An Insanely Tall Child: An Investigation

A quick preface: This is not, in any way, designed to make fun of Barron Trump. If anything, it’s genuinely intriguing and something of a marvel.

But there’s no two ways about it – the kid is tall as hell.

At a mere 11-years-old, Barron Trump is currently shouldering more responsibility than any kid his age should ever have to.

The son of President Donald Trump has been paraded out for countless press conferences, rallies, photo ops, and speeches, and has thus far endured a far more public presence than the Obama kids ever had.

With that, however, comes a lot more photographic evidence of the young lad, and now one particular curiosity is starting to gather steam: Barron Trump appears to be permanently attached to stilts.

The young Trump is reaching great physical heights at an extremely young age, and it’s leading us to ponder: Exactly how tall is he?

Take this photo of the Trumps standing alongside what appears to be a giant, near-sighted rabbit mesmerised by the Eye of Sauron.

Credit: Getty Images / Chip Somodevilla

The Young Trump, though sullen, towers here with the statue of a mighty bean stalk. Easily the height of his mother, Melania, and around ear-height on the quite clearly blitzed-off-its-ass rabbit.

But the perspective here makes things inconclusive. Donald is out front. Melania’s choice of footwear is obscured. And wherever the rabbit is staring is sure as shit not here.

Then there’s this:

Credit: Getty Images / Pool.

This is infinitely more conclusive. Barron and Melania, side-by-side, both in flats, with Barron clearly exceeding his mother’s height by a handful of centimetres.

If Google is to be believed, Melania stands at around 180cm tall, meaning Barron towers to a height in excess of that.

The average height of an 11 year old boy is roughly around 55 inches or 139.7cm tall.

Our conclusion: Barron is a freakin’ giant.

It’s not an exaggeration, either. A height in excess of 180cm at 11 years, 8 months not only puts him 40cm above the average height for kids his age, it puts him around 20-odd cm above even the highest percentile of lads.

Victorian State health and education charts suggest that a height of 160cm would put an 11.5 year old in the 98th percentile of kids. And with a fair amount of growing to do, you’d be inclined to suggest Barron would easily surpass Eric Trump‘s lofty bar of 196cm for the mantle of Tallest Trump™.

The way we see it? There’s a couple of outcomes for all this:

  • Barron Trump gets insanely good at sports, leading to the glorious photo of him severely dunking on Donald Trump Jr that we all richly deserve.
  • Barron Trump goes pick 54 in the 2025 NBA Draft to the still-ailing New York Knicks, leading the elderly Donald to ghost write the critically derided tome “The Extremely Large Son That I Made”.
  • Barron Trump, in his formative window of potential rebellion, gets slipped some Fugazi and/or Mudhoney records and blows minds the world over by forming a grunge revival band in which he slings his heavy bass low to emulate his extremely tall hero, Krist Novoselic.

No matter what, at the end of the day? That is one tall-ass child.

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