The Best Places Around ’Straya To Piss Away Yr Life Savings On Smashed Avo
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Are you over talking about it yet?! I almost am.
Ever since bitter boomer / News Corp columnist Bernard Salt linked young people's love of the smashed fruit on toast to the housing crisis, the internet's gone full turbo on all things avo.
There have been countless think pieces decrying Salt's... well... salty approach to "hipster cafes" and "grooviness". Some Melbourne cafes have begun serving up their smashed avo dishes at discounted prices. Heck, a Sydney designer has gone so far as to fart out some 'Make Smashed Avocado Affordable Again' hats.
In reality, as much as it pains me to add article of fuel to the avocado fire, there's something missing from this conversation: a comprehensive lil list of some of our favourite smashed avo institutions in 'Straya's 5 biggest capital cities.
Whole avocado, smashed with herbs and a side of lemon on Dench sourdough - $11 ($3 extra for Meredith goats feta)
Nestled between Brunswick St and Rose St Markets sits Grace. It's cosy, homey and the avo on toast comes with A WHOLE AVOCADO. Woah, way to rub salt into Berny's wounds!
76 Rose Street, Fitzroy
Three Bags Full
Smashed avo with Yarra Valley Persian feta, cherry tomatoes, black sesame, extra virgin olive oil and shaved radish - $18.50
If you're a southsider, Abbotsford's Three Bags Full is the kinda place you'll cross the Yarra for. Looks good, tastes even better.
60 Nicholson St, Abbotsford
Pillar of Salt
Smashed Avocado with saffron & lime, poached eggs, meredith boasts cheese, roasted sweet peppers, micro basil, hemp seed dukkah, balsamic reduction - $17.50
Coming in on the pricier side is Pillar of Salt's heroic avocado dish. It looks good, it tastes good. Treat yo'self.
541 Church St, Richmond
Avocado on rye w onion, coriander, lime and cumin salt - $14.50
Our News Editor Chloe Sargeant is a big fan. "That cumin salt + coriander combo, hook it to my veins." Nuff said.
61 Albion St, Surry Hills
Avocado on sourdough with chilli, salt and a squeeze of lemon - $5.50
City Edge is just up the road from the PEDESTRIAN.TV Sydney offices, and is a firm favourite among the entire company. Fuark, they are good. Go there at 12pm on any given weekday and there will be people spilling out the door - but by some force of divinity, you'll have your lunch ordered and handed to you within 10 mins. Tommy, the bloke who runs the joint, is a deadset ledge. I work from Melbourne and visit Sydney sporadically, but every time I pop in, he remembers my name and asks me how I am. "#tommyforpresident," as our Client Service Manager, Adrian Fagerland, says.
Oh, and the smashed avo here is toight and reliably delicious.
74-80 Reservoir St, Surry Hills
Toast served with smashed avocado & lime - $8.50
Shenkin is something of an institution in Sydney, with four cafes in total scattered about the place. It comes recommended by two members of our team, who said almost the exact same thing within a minute of each other:
53A Erskineville Rd, Erskineville, 290 Crown St, Darlinghurst, 239A King St, Newtown & 129 Enmore Rd, Enmore
New Tour de Sandgate with fresh sliced avocado on sourdough bread with dehydrated kalamata olives, beetroot labna, watercress and zested lemons - $15.90
One of our Queensland News Editors, Alasdair Duncan, says the Tour de Sandgate is "amazing with a side of haloumi. I want to eat it right now."
52 Eagle Terrace, Sandgate
Smashed avocado w feta, herbs, olive oil and lemon served on pané - $8.50
Good prices. Good fare. Good times.
190 Petrie Terrace, QLD
The Jam Pantry
Avo toasted with pickled and fresh strawberries, goats’ chèvre, pistachio crumb - $14
A real rogue inclusion, this one. The Jam Pantry serves friggen strawberries on their avo toast! Nuts.
2/575 Logan Rd, Greenslopes
Smashed avocado with two poached eggs, rocket salad on Organic Loafers ciabatta - $16.50
Christ, it really is getting hard to describe the same meal this many times. Just look at the pic maybe?
178 Railway Parade, West Leederville
The Good Things
The Hulk, smashed avocado with peas, fresh mint, pickled onion, pipits, sesame, whipped feta and toast - $19
With a name like 'The Hulk', you know this meal's gonna punch you straight in the home loan. Go ahead, enjoy - it's not like you're gonna be any closer to purchasing a home in Australia if you forgo it. :)
128 Wellington Street, Mosman Park
Smashed avocado, artisan sourdough toast, fetta, house made dukkha, extra virgin canola oil - $18 ($3 extra for poachies)
Nom nom nom.
1/109 Flora Terrace, North Beach
The Loose Caboose
Smashed avocado, watermelon radish, sundries tomato and coriander pesto, feta, lemon with panko crusted poached egg - $17
It's green, it's pink, it's divine. Ten points for Instagrammability.
21, 1st Street, Hindmarsh
Smashed avocado on toasted rye with roasted mushrooms, warm pan toasted seeds and almonds - $18.50
Just good old classic smashed avo, this one.
32 George St, Thebarton
Trouble and Strife
Smashed avocado with peas, mint & feta - $9
What better way to end than with an option firmly under a tenner.
123 Goodwood Road, Goodwood
Phew. There you have it. Meanwhile, our boi Bernald Salt has taken himself out for brunch. Didn't look too good though. If only he read this list.
Photo: @goodthingsmp / Instagram.