Cairns Bowls Club Is Pretty Shitty About Its Alleged Serial Porch-Pooper
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A Cairns bowls club has got the shits after copping crap from a faecally-fixated repeat offender. Yep: someone has literally been shitting on their porch.
West Cairns Bowls Club has taken to Facebook in disgust after they captured CCTV footage of the shifty shitter allegedly caught in the act. The footage appears to show a young bloke wandering onto the grounds, where he pisses in the bushes, pops a squat, takes a dump on the patio, and then - in an act of twisted genius that would make Joffrey Baratheon go, "Alright, that's a bit much" - he wipes his arse with a coaster and frisbees it onto the lawn.
According to club manager Helen Allen, the culprit, who they've dubbed "The Crapper", has been leaving his putrid presents for several months now, prompting the club to set up surveillance in the hopes of ID-ing the little turd.
The serial soiler is yet to be positively identified, but the club's Facebook post has clocked more than 80,000 views since it went up. They've promised to treat anyone who can put them on the trail of the shart-artist to one of their "Great BBQ Club specialties."
The poor blighters at the club have had their fair share of it chucked at them already, with a healthy record of break-ins, vandalism and stolen goods dumped on their property - but this is a whole new, disgusting, and literal, pile of shit.
Police have been informed of the (brown) matter.
Source: Cairns Post.
Image: Bob's Burgers / Fox.